Hooray! I’m finally out of the ghetto.

As much as I love the Chola aesthetic, it was getting really terrifying living in Downtown Los Angeles. Aside from losing 5 minutes of decent material on the subject, it’s high-5′s all around.  I’m relieved to never have to hear gunshots, helicopters or  the sweet dulcet tones of  ice cream truck music ever again.

Why the hell did I ever move to Downtown LA?

Well, for one thing I’m a native Angelino and have immense pride in my city. Every time some fuckface transplant complains about how awful my city is, I gladly let them know there are flights, buses and rental cars back to their shitass town they escaped from to come here. LA is my home and as long as I can remember, Downtown LA was delicious,  forbidden territory.

An exciting wonderland labyrinth of crime, drugs and fake ID cards. It’s where you went to meet a Mexican guy on Alvarado, hand him $75. and 2 hours later you had an older, totally unbelievable  identity.  In High School, we’d have to do mandatory “Christian Service Hours” feeding the homeless in Macarthur Park. Nothing feels more Christian than having a homeless junkie throw a peanut butter sandwich back in your face at 5am on a Saturday morning.

And then there’s cool stuff, like passing the LA Federal Prison. Sometimes I’d drive past and wave, just to see if any of the prisoners could see me mocking their non-freedom. One time, thru the narrow slit of a window, a man did wave back and I of course, panicked and drove away quickly.

I wanted to be a part of revitalizing this great part of town. I wanted to be a pioneer and boldly live where no white woman had lived before. And it was … okay. There’s only so many men you can watch shitting on a sidewalk and only so many awful LAPD fuck-ups. The last week I lived in Downtown, a Salvadorian man was brutally gunned down by the police for carrying a switchblade. There were riots after lasting for days and it really made me sad. But not so sad that I couldn’t celebrate moving the FUCK out!

So now I’m amongst the other white hipsters in awesome Silver Lake.  There’s enough ironic t-shirts and Trader Joe’s transgender post-op check out clerks for everyone!

Lesson learned. Never do something out of principle. Always act within your comfort zone.  And now as I look at all the boxes of crap I have to unpack, I thank sweet baby Jesus to be back where I belong.

Amen.

At least by me. He was without question one of my absolute favorites and I’m so sad to hear of his passing. I got to meet him during LCS and it resulted in me dorking out on him , quoting his own jokes back to him and sweating.

Smell you later!

I give you completely heterosexual greetings.

Hi! This is the new look of my site and I’m very excited about it. We’re still working on stuff but so far, so good.

I spent the last week in Mexico for my BFF’s wedding. It was in Guanojuato, Mexico in a Hacienda called “Las Trancas”.

Here is a picture of that magical place.

It’s amazing how a week amongst friends and family makes me not want to be a snarky comic. Thankfully returning to my own hacienda in Downtown LA will build up my rancor for humanity once again.