Today I have formally decided that “Rock the Casbah” is the most perfect song. It’s been my favorite song since since the age of 4 and today in the car I listened to it no less than 8 times. It is however, an exceedingly difficult song to karaoke, which I have attempted numerous times. Every time I sing it in public, not only do I look Whitney-Bobby crazy, but sound like a homeless yodeler. It’s not an attractive song for a lady to sing, nor is it a crowd pleaser in rural areas. But I let that raga drop every time AND with extreme prejudice, son.
Over the years, my friends and I have compiled a list of words that aren’t real words and phrases that aren’t real phrases. This list was made possible by countless checkout clerks, students, performers and misinformed friends. Enjoy this list compiled by Tom Segura, Ryan Sickler, Shauna Finn and myself.
1. Irregardless – as in “Irregardless of what the commercial claims, “Guys Gone Wild” is probably purchased mostly by gay men.”
2. “I says” – as in “So I says to her, I says Tina, I ain’t feeding that dang cat no more.”
3. Libary – as in “Why you goin to the libary?”
4. Ecscape – as in “She ecscaped her destiny as a stripper by becoming a porn star.”
4. Volumptuous – as in “J-Lo got a volumptous ass.”
5. Supposably – as in “Well, I mean supposably he’s coming to the bar after work.”
6. Phertographer – as in “I got a great phertogropher for you.”
7. Chicargo – self explanatory.
8. Drownding – I was really disappointed to hear this in a Modest Mouse song. The lyric was “Everyone’s an ocean drownding.”
9. Idear – as in “I had the idear to go back to school, but thought, “eh, screw it.”
10. “It’s a blessing in the skies.” – This one is my favorite by far and came from my husband Tom’s ex-coworker who pointed to the sky as he made his proclamation.
Such a fun show today. Ross Mathews and Guy Braunum were on the Round Table with me and it was a blast. Chelsea and I were the girl filling in a hearty gay-man sandwich, a “Gandwich” if you will. Thought I’d share some pictures from the day.
Here’s my Prom picture with Guy:
Of course, if this were my real Prom picture, I’d be dressed as Siouxsie Sioux and I’d still be with a gay man, although he’d be dressed like Robert Smith.
Here’s the 3 of us:
Adorbs.
And here’s me with Stephanie. She’s one of those people you see running up to us before and after commercial break. Its Stephanie’s job to make sure I say things like “Tagteam” instead of “Gangbang”.
And the finale… me with the Chu-Man. He looks great in red.
Fun show today. Round Table was with Jo Koy and Greg Proops and there were animals! Many years ago, Proops and I did a show together on PBS called “Mental Engineering”. I remember being very impressed with Proops because he smoked “Kools”.
For once, I’m not the one making a silly face. Poopsie looks a little puckery here. MWA!
Here’s the cool ass mini-Toucan that pooped on Chelsea.
Here’s the little guy up close right before he took yet another shit.
I guess every time you put a blueberry in that bird’s mouth, it has to come out of it’s little poopshoot. He’s like a well-oiled machine – food goes in, poop comes out. All you have to do is make eye contact with him, then throw the berry in the air. He just snaps it up like a little crocodile. I think I’m in love with this Tiny Toucan.
I’m so glad Tammy won Comedy Central’s Stand-Up Showdown. She’s hilarious and a solid citizen as well. She’s a new mother, which for a woman in the comedy world is extremely rare and difficult. The clip below is of a pregnant Tammy at Crackers in Indy tearing shit up. Enjoy.
