Over the years, my friends and I have compiled a list of words that aren’t real words and phrases that aren’t real phrases. This list was made possible by countless checkout clerks, students, performers and misinformed friends. Enjoy this list compiled by Tom Segura, Ryan Sickler, Shauna Finn and myself.

1. Irregardless – as in “Irregardless of what the commercial claims, “Guys Gone Wild” is probably purchased mostly by gay men.”

2. “I says” – as in “So I says to her, I says Tina, I ain’t feeding that dang cat no more.”
3. Libary – as in “Why you goin to the libary?”

4. Ecscape – as in “She ecscaped her destiny as a stripper by becoming a porn star.”

4. Volumptuous – as in “J-Lo got a volumptous ass.”
5. Supposably – as in “Well, I mean supposably he’s coming to the bar after work.”
6. Phertographer – as in “I got a great phertogropher for you.”
7. Chicargo – self explanatory.
8. Drownding – I was really disappointed to hear this in a Modest Mouse song. The lyric was “Everyone’s an ocean drownding.”

9. Idear – as in “I had the idear to go back to school, but thought, “eh, screw it.”
10. “It’s a blessing in the skies.” – This one is my favorite by far and came from my husband Tom’s ex-coworker who pointed to the sky as he made his proclamation.

Such a fun show today. Ross Mathews and Guy Braunum were on the Round Table with me  and it was a blast.  Chelsea and I were the girl filling in a hearty gay-man sandwich, a “Gandwich” if you will. Thought I’d share some pictures from the day.

Here’s my Prom picture with Guy:

Of course, if this were my real Prom picture, I’d be dressed as Siouxsie Sioux and I’d still be with a gay man, although he’d be dressed like Robert Smith.

Here’s the 3 of us:

Adorbs.

And here’s me with Stephanie. She’s one of those people you see running up to us before and after commercial break. Its Stephanie’s job to make sure I say things like “Tagteam” instead of “Gangbang”.

And the finale… me with the Chu-Man.  He looks great in red.